


The Aftermath

by hanjizoes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:06:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1240795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjizoes/pseuds/hanjizoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amidst a field of trees and abandoned woods, Bert and Reiner are hiding. After the destruction of Wall Maria there’s nothing else to do but run and run as fast as they can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING::::: if you do not read/are not up to date with the snk manga and do not know anything about the Big Three or their identities and would nOT like to be spoiled please avoid reading this fanfic and the summary (thank you!)

_We’re just kids._

 

_We don’t know what we’re doing._

 

_We need to stop._

 

_We’re just kids._

 

I’ve reached a conclusion that this is all my life will ever come to. A series of chants inside my head, a rhythm that hums inside my nerves and travels inside my every cell. _I’m only human._ I tell myself again. The chant is now a cheer and all at once I’m getting used to this, this encouragement, this motivation, and then it happens again and I’m destroying everything. My hands, they’re no longer mine, I can control them but it seems like I no longer want to. My brain can function but I’m blinded by anger and aggression and fury, and I don’t care anymore. My body swells to a size I can’t even comprehend and I can’t explain it but I feel like I can protect myself like this. This way, I’m invincible, and no one can hurt me.

 

“Let’s go,” a voice says. I turn around and it’s Reiner. He’s growing up, he’s buffer and blonder and his voice is rougher than it was before everything happened. At some point I’ve dragged my body to the floor and sobbed inside the crook of my arm hoping that what I’d just done would be erased and he would be outside waiting for me to finish up. 

 

_We’re just kids._

 

“Move it Bert, we can’t stay here forever...” his voice is soothing but I can tell he’s growing impatient, I know I would be. I stand up and brush off the dust on my pants and walk out of the tiny cabin we found hidden in the woods. I don’t turn around and I don’t wait for Reiner, I know he’s right behind me. The air is misty and a fog has collected over the treetops, making them almost unrecognizable. There’s a whining voice in the background, it’s too far away for me to make out but I know what it is, I realize it now and I collapse to the ground. The screams. They’re so vivid now that I know what they are, what they mean, who they’re from. The screams of people dying, people witnessing people dying, people screaming because they know they won’t make it. 

 

_We’re just kids._

 

Lives are precious, they’re fragile and delicate and in this world they can be lost in an instant. The tiniest strike can set off a bomb that’ll spark off the extinction of the human race and the downfall of mankind. The military police, the recon corps, the scouting legion; they can try to kill as many of them as they can but eventually there’s nothing but a silence and it’s truly the terrifying kind. The kind of silence where everyone realizes that there’s no such thing as hope and it’s a pathetic thing to hold on to. 

 

The screams don’t stop and my knees are digging deep in the dirt, the dry grass scratching my skin. Reiner drops next to me and crosses his feet, he puts an arm around my shoulder and without a single moment of hesitation I bury my face in his chest. I’m skinny and tall and I definitely tower over Reiner but I’m vulnerable right now, and comfort is what I need the most. Reiner doesn’t talk anymore, he doesn’t try to tell me it’s okay and he doesn’t attempt to convince me that what we’d done was a good thing, we know it isn’t.

 

_We’re just kids._

 

We have no home to go back to. We couldn’t go back there even if we wanted to. One day we would, but not today, especially not today. An hour has passed by, maybe two, and the screams have finally died down and all you can hear is the dull sobs that echo through the wind like a howl of defeat. I push myself off of Reiner’s body and wipe my face, my cheeks are wet with tears of guilt and anguish that I don’t think I need to express. Reiner is expressionless as usual but his eyes tell me a different story. I’ve known him long enough to realize that he’s building a fire deep inside of him and one day someone’s going to pour the gasoline and light the match and all hell is going to break loose. I just hope I’m around to keep him in control when that happens. 

 

It’s quiet now, and it’s growing darker by the minute. I look up at the sky and see streaks of pink and orange, the blue fading in the horizon and the sun dipping down for no one to see, and then we’re enveloped in darkness. We both get up at once and start moving towards the woods, our feet snapping fallen branches and our breathes are hushed and hallowed. We try to keep quiet as we trace our steps by dragging our palms against the tree trunks. Reiner turns around and puts his hand and my shoulder. I can’t see his face but I can tell we’ve been walking long enough and he wants to take a break. 

 

I don’t want to take a break.

 

I want to keep moving, to trail on and on into the abyss of trees until we reach somewhere where no one knows we even existed. The more stops we take the more damage we make and the more time I have to be alone with my thoughts and that slow, numbing chant of encouragement. 

 

_We’re just kids._

 

_You’ve done nothing wrong._

 

_You’re human._

 

_We’re just kids._

 

_You need to stop._

 

The tune is so familiar, the words are something that I’ve learnt to mutter under my breath when I know Reiner isn’t listening, and right now it’s the repeated chant that puts me to sleep. My eyes droop shut before I can convince myself that sleep won’t help me and then I’m swallowed by this looming shadow of slumber and I’m enveloped in darkness and a recurring dream that has slowly evolved into a nightmare.

 

The sky has turned into a dark shade of blue and the wind has died down. I’m alone in this dream, no Reiner, no home, nothing. Everything is as still as water and it seems like even the air decided to stop to take a breather. Time passes by and I’m standing amidst a row of abandoned, demolished houses and there are people inside but their voices are muted and their faces are wild and horrifying. I feel this urge to move, to do something, to help, but I’m stuck in the same place I’ve always been. I try to reach out to the screaming woman who’s trapped underneath a pile of wood. She’s calling out to someone but I can’t make out what she’s saying. She looks desperate and hopeless and all I want to do is hear what she’s saying, to hear what everyone’s saying. 

 

“ _Monster”_

 

It’s just a whisper but I hear it and then I hear it again.

 

_“Monster”_

 

I turn around and it’s Reiner, he’s crumbled on the floor, blood pouring from his hands, from his head, and even his eyes. He’s in agony, I can hear him groaning in pain and he’s trying to look up at something but it’s a struggle just to stay in place. All at once the whisper turns to a clear voice and then it’s a scream.

 

_“Titan”_

 

I finally know what the woman is saying and her voice is suddenly loud and clear. Her big brown eyes are almost drooping shut but her mouth is open wide and her hair is a mess of tangled braids. She points at me, her shaking finger accusing me of all the things I know I’ve done. Then she points to something behind me and I turn around. All the people in the destroyed houses are pounding on the windows, staring me down, screaming things at me. The voices are too loud, my eardrums are bleeding and soon enough, the screams die down and there’s a buzzing sound that surrounds me. It’s a dull noise that brings me to my knees, crumbling next to Reiner who’s no longer groaning in pain but crying like a child who just lost everything. His eyes are barely open but he looks at me and says in a voice so weak I would never have known it belonged to him.

 

_“We shouldn’t have done that. We should’ve stopped. We killed_ _–_ _we killed so many people.”_

 

He stops to take in a gulp of air but he winds up coughing violently, blood starts to drip from his mouth, streaming down his chin on the ground. 

 

“Why are we here, Reiner?” I finally ask.

 

_“Because we deserve to be dead.”_

 

I let out a blinding scream, one that leaves my throat aching. There are arms pulling me down, a voice is telling me to wake up, wake up Bert, wake up you’re okay, you’re safe Bert, you’re safe. Then I open my eyes and Reiner’s face is inches away from mine, his concerned gaze burns holes right through me. _I do not deserve this worry_ , I tell myself.

 

“It’s okay Bertholdt, you’re fine, it was just a bad dream,” he assures me, but I don’t believe him and before I can stop myself, I’m crying again and this time I don’t try to hide it.

 

“It’s not okay Reiner. What we did, it’s wrong, it’s all sorts of wrong and we can’t undo what we did. How am I, how are _we,_ supposed to live through this? How are we supposed to just carry on as if it never happened? We–”

 

“Shut up Bert. Just shut up.”

 

My mouth closes shut and I stare at him. Not knowing what to say, not knowing if I should say anything at all. He’s as much a mess as I am and it’s then that I realize that he had been crying too, but not the same way I had. Not even close. His tears are full of fury and anger and not at himself but the world, not at mankind but at the universe, not at us but at everyone. I can only limit myself to such a short amount of sadness but Reiner’s sadness is a different story, one I wish he wouldn’t hold so greatly. 

 

“Why should I shut up?” I blurt out. I’m on fire now, I’m the gasoline and I’m just about to drown Reiner in a heap of petrol. “Why are you telling _me_ to be quiet? You don’t swell to a size so big you can’t even control yourself, you don’t tower over every tree in every forest. You’re like me, sure, you’re exactly like me. But you like being this way don’t you? DON’T YOU?” 

 

“JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU?” 

 

I clamp my mouth shut before I can say anything else I’m going to regret. The tank of gasoline is empty and the fire is blazing, I can see it in Reiner’s eyes, the way his brows are furrowed and how his mouth is opened in an almost snarl as if he’s willing to attack me right then and there. I wonder if I pushed him over the edge, past his breaking point, past all his subtle, careful and calm thoughts to a turmoil of anger that neither of us want to unleash. My reluctance to take back everything I said only makes his fury intensify. I stand up, my back plastered against the rough tree trunk, my throat aches from the agony of my bloodcurdling screams and I find myself avoiding Reiner’s gaze.

 

“I don’t like being this way,” he sneers, his voice like claws ripping my throat apart. “After everything, _everything_ , we went through back there I can’t believe you’d think I _want_ this. I don’t want this. I don’t find pleasure in torturing people and we’re all trapped here Bert. You can’t control this, I can’t control this, _we_ can’t control this. So just accept it and move on with your life. For fuck’s sake just move on.”

 

“We’re just kids,” I mumble. The chant in my head is tumbling from my lips, the words I’d formed in my mind are now escaping my mouth and rolling off my tongue. “We’re just kids Reiner,” I repeat, my voice louder than before. 

 

“Why do you keep saying that? I hear you whispering that to yourself, you even scream it when you’re asleep... We won’t be kids forever Bert. We can’t use that as an excuse anymore. We need to.. we need to keep moving forward.”

 

I don’t ask how, I don’t think I even want to know at all. I’m sweating everywhere, from the heat or the situation, I have no clue. Suddenly it feels like I don’t want to be in one place anymore so I turn around and walk away into the depths of the woods. I have no idea where I’m going but I need to walk, run, flee from wherever we are right now. The chant in my head has turned into a dull, monotonous whine that I’m growing to despise. My urge to turn around and see if Reiner’s following me is interrupted by the snaps of the branches under my feet and the crunch of old leaves beneath my shoes. The air is still and silent, I want to stop, but I keep on walking. My legs begin to ache but I’m intrigued by this drive and ambition to move till my soles are bleeding and my lungs are collapsing. 

 

“Bert...” I heard in the wind, a voice as light as a whisper. “Bert... Stop.. Slow down...” 

 

I don’t stop and I don’t slow down. I know it’s Reiner and I know he’s behind me, he’s probably terrified that I haven’t stopped once to take a breather. I feel like I’ve been running twenty marathons in one and I’m almost out of breath but I’m filled with this rush of adrenaline that makes me take another step. Before I know it I’ve reached the end of the woods. The sun is out and I’m basking in the glory of the light and in this newfound pride of accomplishment and suddenly I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong. 

 

“Bert,” Reiner’s voice is getting closer and that’s when I realize I can’t walk anymore and my knees buckle and I drop to the ground, my head lying on the soft grass, prickling the back of my neck. The sunlight wraps around me like a warm blanket and I embrace it like a gentle hug that I’ve never had and then the embrace is interrupted by Reiner’s face peering into my own. 

 

“What–the–hell–” he’s dying to catch his breath and he’s exhaling rapidly and before I know it he’s lying down next to me and his chest is heaving next to mine. 

 

“Sorry,” I breathe out. “We were bound to get out of the woods anyways, weren’t we?” 

 

Before Reiner can reply we hear swishes in the wind, crashes of metal against metal, tree trunks crunching and the breeze suddenly intensifies to an unnatural howl. The scouting legion. Or maybe it’s the military police, I can’t tell, they all use the 3DMGs like their lives depend on it. Suddenly I’m panicking, and the adrenaline rush is gone, replaced by this worry that I’d locked away till now. Both of us quickly get up and hide behind the shadows of the trees, hoping it can conceal our forms and not give us away. How are we supposed to explain what two teenage boys are doing hiding in an abandoned woods? There’s not a single thing that comes to mind, especially since we tore the wall to shreds and abandoned the wreckage before anything else could happen. I can still feel the gust of a breeze that accompanies the scouting legion and their desire to move at 100 miles an hour. I hear someone shouting orders and the distinct cackle of laughter amongst the shouts bursting with energy. The ground is shaking, horses, I’m guessing. I push my back harder against the tree trunk hoping beyond hope that we’ll get away with it because running is definitely not an option this time. Reiner nudges me with his shoulder and gives me a look that asks if I’m okay. I simply nod and turn my head the other way, my mind is somewhere else. I’m not thinking about my bruising feet and aching throat, I’m not thinking about my struggled breathing or the sweat pouring down every inch of my body. I’m thinking about getting caught, about being dead, or worse, _Reiner_ being dead. There’s a major possibility that we won’t make it to see the light of day, we don’t have a plan and we don’t know what we’re doing. The chant of encouragement is gone and even the dull whine has faded into a hidden whisper and in it’s place is a scolding voice that loathes every inch of me and that’s the voice that I hear as the horses whisk by us with their riders charging on.

 

They don’t notice us and in seconds they’re gone and the swishes that come with the 3DMGs have vanished and the air is still. My breath is ragged and heavy, my chest is heaving up and down in quick motions like I’m hyperventilating... Maybe I _am_ hyperventilating. I have no clue. I’m now drenched in sweat from head to toe and as I slowly turn my head to check up on Reiner he’s crouching on the ground. His knees are up against his chest and his face is buried in his hands. I can’t tell if he’s crying or not. His body is shaking and I can see his fingers twitching on his face. I’m stuck in my place, absolutely stuck, I can’t move and I can’t comfort, I can only stare. I know what Reiner needs is some empty words and he’ll be fine but in my utmost moment of selfishness I can’t seem to think of anything but the growing panic inside of me. The seed of paranoia has now been planted in my brain and it’s slowly germinating and blooming into an indescribable form of insanity that roots me to my place. 

 

After what seems like days, Reiner looks up, staring blankly at the sky, avoiding my questioning gaze and what I think might be an odd look in my eyes. His eyelids are burning red, the veins in his retina and pupils are blazing and his cheeks are wet with salty tears that make his skin gleam under the downpour of sunlight that streams from the trees above us. 

 

“Well that was scary,” Reiner croaks out, his voice cracks and I can tell he’s trying way too hard to keep it together. “We’re pretty fucked up, aren’t we?” 

 

I don’t answer, because I don’t think I need to. Reiner then turns his face towards my looming figure and looks at me and I can see different emotions running through him, his eyes telling me what his lips could not. Sadness turned to fear, the fear transformed into frustration and from that he was completely and utterly confused. He sat there a while, just looking at me as if he had only seen me for the first time and then something sparked in his eyes, I could tell immediately. 

I knew something inside him snapped, a piece of his brain finally clicked together with an idea that he had not quite fully formed in his mind. It was like watching the right key fitting into a locked door and as the key turned slowly you were just hoping you’d get what you wanted on the other side. I bend down next to Reiner, put my hand on his shoulder and wait. 

 

“What is it?” I ask, my voice is scratchy and I can barely here the words coming out of my mouth. I clear my throat and repeat, “What is it, Reiner?”

 

“The military police. The scouting legion. It all makes sense now. We don’t have to hide forever Bert. We don’t have to–”

 

“What are you saying?” I interrupt before he can ramble on into this crazy wacko idea of his. “Are you saying we should join the military police because you must be out of your fucking mind if you think–”

 

“No one would suspect us Bert. By the time people figure out titan shifters even exist it would be too late, they’re certainly not smart enough to figure it out. I’m sure of it. You trust me don’t you? Nothing’s going to happen to you, or me, I’ll make damn well sure of it.” 

 

I nod. Because that’s the only thing I’m capable of doing right now. A seed of worry is now planted deep inside my chest and I can feel it blooming against my ribcage, a tree of panicked thoughts and paranoia. I wonder when I’ll stop sweating, or when I’ll stop being so worried. I could channel these feelings into something else, something better, a braver version of what I should be. But I look at Reiner, and he looks braver than the both of us put together. We fall asleep that night under the branches that loom over us like cascading lanterns, and I can still hear the screams of the people I killed miles away. My heart is stone, but it’s beating like the piece of muscle it is, my soul is dark but it’s blinded by this light that burns and burns and burns until there’s nothing left to burn. I have the same dream I did last night, except this time I’m wearing a uniform, and Reiner isn’t dying. He’s not even there. I’m dying, and sweating, and panicking, and it’s like I’m staring at my body from the outside. There are no screams in this dream, or even out of it, just blank stares and painful accusations.

 

When we both wake up the next morning, we set off immediately, off to hide, to conceal, to shadow our true selves from everyone. One day we’ll go back home, I hear Reiner tell me. But not now. Right now, we need to survive. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it and please leave any comments I'd love to know what you think thank yOU!!!


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